Photo by Toni Reynolds

Digging Deeper

I am she who was hated in every place

And she who was loved in every place

I am she whom they call life

And you all called death

I am she whom they call law

And you all called lawlessness

I am she whom you chased and she whom you captured

I am she whom you scattered

And you have gathered me together

I am she before whom you were ashamed

And you have been shameless to me

I am she who does not celebrate festivals

And I am she whose festivals are spectacular

I, I am without God

And I am she whose God is magnificent.

~The Thunder Perfect Mind 3:6-13

For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother's womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret, 

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them

~Psalm 139:13-16

I had a grandma, who was not mother to any of my parents, but she was my grandma just the same. She was the reason my mother joined the church I grew up in. She was the reason I loved homemade chocolate chip cookies. And, she was the reason I knew that God loved people, in spite of what the preacher said on Sunday mornings. She was my grandma. 

When I became an adult, and answered my call to ministry, she and I had a conversation about life. I was explaining to her how I had made a decision to live life in a new direction, since life the old way was leaving my spirit battered and bruised. I shared that some of my decisions were bad and now I wanted to right all my wrongs. I could hear the shock in her voice when she asked, “Well baby, what were you out there doing?” 

It wasn’t an accusatory shock, but more like, “Not my baby”, type of questioning. I paused, wondering how I was going to answer. My ninety-year old grandma would speak before I had the courage to.

“Wait, baby. Wait. Grandma was a young woman once, so you don’t have to answer that. I am just glad that you know who you are, and that you have decided to make better choices. You are a smart young woman and you know the Lord. God loves you and Grandma does too.”

In that moment, she had become the Psalm 139 that had confirmed my Thunder. Her acknowledgement of our connection as women brought me a new sense of purpose.  Our generations were 60 years apart, and yet, we were standing on common ground. 

Marvelous Works remain Magnificent. 

~Stephanie Duzant

All content © Tanho Center 2016


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